Saturday, January 11, 2014

Dreaming Again

So it's been a little while since I've posted, the blame falls mostly with the holidays and after holiday buzz.  I've had a lot of time to think since the last time I posted a serious blog and it's been good .. and hard.  Because you see this blog is about being honest on my journey to find freedom, and frankly sometimes I don't want to.  I'd rather just push it aside and deal with "freedom" some other time.

But it's 2014 and I feel it in my bones that the time is now. So inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale....

Life is some days very, very, very hard.  Sadness seems to creep in and around me without my inviting it there.

Thus is grief I suppose.

Do you ever really get over the ones you've lost?  Tragic loss seems to define parts of you that at times had other names, good names, thoughtful names, happy names.  Now everything has changed and it feels very permanent.

The positive aspect of my personality (99% of it) wants to follow up with some happy thought provoking antidote to my sadness. However, in my search of being completely transparent with you I'll just say that today in this moment I'm not sure what I'm learning, other than knowing that i deeply miss my father.

(Mom if you are reading this, don't get sad, I'm really ok..promise!)

On a happy has been calling my name ever so softly and I'm finally feeling sturdy enough to open up this heart and just let it all flow out.  I'm not sure what it will look like or sound like or what the end product will be but I've begun to:

DREAM again.

And that feels very very good!